Errors in Family Structure

 

This sermon by Dr. Baugham will examine the Scripture that will show you God’s vision for the home front. Today’s culture, including many churches,  are full of errors about manhood, womanhood and marriage. Let us find God’s treasures in Ephesians 5. Here you will find answers for the attacks Satan brings on the family. In missions, when the Gospel breaks through, not only are people dealing with leaving other religions, but with realigning their family structure—they often leave a broken, sinful, pagan culture (even in developed nations), for a kingdom that is built on God’s rules. Converting to a Scriptural home is a big change. Hard, but necessary. But God will bless it. He is faithful. Let’s begin at Ephesians 5:22:

Wives, submit to your own husbands….

Let me stop there! Even for those few words, we’re already at war with our culture. My points are

1.    Let’s talk about feminism, the way the culture is moving. Feminism is at war with the Gospel and with marriage, as we will see in Scripture. Also, a fact within the modern ‘neo-Marxist’ culture, is that everything is seen through the lens of power relations. (Marxism’s whole theme is that power guarantees the oppressor takes what the oppressed produces). To the neo-Marxist (which ideology the media slips into our thinking, and many of us believe it without knowing it), marriage is part of the oppressor/oppressed paradigm. So the conclusion, in much of society (especially in the college ‘educated’), is that women who use the “old rules” are oppressed in marriage.

2.    In the “new” area of openly same sex marriages, they are pushing for our acceptance. But Scripture disagrees, saying ‘Wives, submit to your husbands. If you believe Scripture is God’s loving rules, a wife can’t have a wife, nor a husband, a husband. Those are fighting words today.

3.    We also conclude there is something unique about manhood and womanhood. God made them male and female. Yet that too is another battleground. To finish our Scripture beyond v. 22 above:

…as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish…

Now we’re entering into yet another area of conflict: How dare we suggest that people need to be made “holy?” Are we suggesting sinfulness, or imperfection in any person (other than the ‘fundies,’ of course, like the white, male, heterosexual, cis-gendered (i.e., those who believe the sexes identified with are biological only), able-bodied, native-born, CHRISTian—his sarcasm is tricky here). Are we suggesting a need for salvation, sanctification, correction, a movement away from unrighteousness toward righteousness? To continue with v. 28:

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother…

There are those binary terms again….

…and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 

That last phrase is why this battleground matters. Proper marriage points us to Christ and the Church (not speaking Catholic; we’re saying, all true followers of the Lord). And to the Gospel. So we cannot abandon this ground.

So let us Scripturally counter these challenges. We’ll start with “wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.” There is order within the context of marriage. The marriage structure of husband and wife should match our submission to Our Lord (we followers are His Bride, and should submit to Him by following Him. But many couples have backed away from it, even members of conservative churches (it doesn’t help that this subject is kryptonite to many pastors, so they won’t speak on it to instruct us; that lack makes it easy to get steeped in the world’s culture without being aware).

Let’s bring up male headship; the culture calls it patriarchy, and they hate it; it’s evil, they say. So their women, when they decide to marry, will not take their husband’s name. ‘I’m an independent woman; I don’t take the name of that man…I’ll keep my father’s name instead.’

But another battleground is in our own camp too; the evangelical feminists have now decided that the patriarchy is dominance (with its negative connotations of the term). But they have just discovered there is a ‘misreading’ of the meaning of Scripture. (So they are apologizing for the “misreading” of the last 2000 years.) They point the finger and chime in, Only those radical ‘fundamentalists’ want to dominate women. They say that male patriarchy is a product of the Fall, but that once we are saved, we are free from the need for his headship. We can have God’s love, which means we can rationally work out differences. That curse has been reversed. So they are, in effect, saying Genesis 3:16’s curse on women, since there is a phrase on women submitting to men there, has been lifted. Here’s what God said to Eve when she ate of the forbidden fruit:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

Here’s a test: Can you see how their conclusion that this curse was lifted for saved women was wrong? The answer is: Read the first half: If they have been freed from the curse of pain in childbearing, why do we still hear the screaming in the nurseries? No, ladies, you’re still stuck with the curse. You don’t get freedom from half a curse, the submissive half, and still stuck with the other half, the pain in childbearing. Despite how badly you want it.

Check this doctrinal statement from the Christians for Biblical Equality in 1989:

“Patriarchy, or male dominance (their definition, deliberately with negative connotations) “is not a Biblical ideal, but a result of sin (agreeing with the evangelical feminists). It is an abuse of power, taking from females what God has given them.” (It assumes the men are doing the taking—it’s that neo-Marxist view again). ”It takes their dignity, their freedom, their leadership, and even their lives.”

That statement agrees with the United Nations: “The family has been a stronghold of patriarchy; it embodies men’s social power and domination over women.” The problem is, the U.N. is a notoriously liberal organization of pagan ideologies; it is devoid of Christianity or Bible knowledge. Somebody is playing the parrot here, but it’s the wrong tune.

But patriarchy is simply “male headship.” It’s about order, remember? And Scripture shows it was NOT a result of the Fall. In fact, God installed it before the Fall. 1) The man was made before the woman; that implies male headship. 2) the woman was made “for the man”—male headship. 3) “I will make him a helper suitable for him”—male headship. 4) “the woman was brought to the man”—male headship. 5) “the woman was named by the man”—male headship. I should also point out that there are important negatives with that headship. In Romans 5, “sin entered the world through one man.” Even though Eve ate first, and tempted Adam, he gets the blame, as the person who is head of the family should.

Dr. Baugham says, “Please use the word ‘patriarchy’ proudly, people—embrace it—if for no other reason other than it messes with the liberals so much.”

Some evangelical feminists have a more sophisticated argument. They read v. 21, which says:

 submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Then they take the mutual submitting idea and apply it to v. 22, suggesting that men and women are to submit to one another. But there are answers to this, making it false. First: The verb “submit” used in v. 22 is different; it is a military term. As anybody from the military knows, submission only goes one way. It is not mutual. (This does not address men needing to “love your wives” in v.28.) He gave a good example of a “rookie” lieutenant and a master sergeant, who has been there ten years. Who is the most valuable person there? The sergeant. But when the lieutenant gets the orders and passes them down, the sergeant does not get to express to him how his vast experience would suggest a different decision. If you let democracy take over in the military, even one man, the whole system breaks down. A smart lieutenant would listen to the sergeant when he’s not sure, but he doesn’t have to. This is about order, not value. The point is, the results are better, in the long run, if everyone played their roles the best they know how. (Unless corruption has taken over the promotions.) When Adam saw Eve, he said “This is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, she was taken out of man.” These are statements of her valued standing to him. Cultures impacted by Biblical Christianity have the freest, safest, and most cherished women on earth.

 In any event, nobody like a family whose headship is a two-headed person. Such a person should either be killed, or we should put them behind glass, and charge people to see it.

The second reason this plays games with Scripture’s meaning is, v. 21 is the END of a paragraph that began with verse 15. Any games-playing we can do to the verb “submit” ends in v. 21.  The new paragraph has a different goal, and a different verb. There is a masterful structure in verses 15ff, involving a triplet of triplicates. Here’s the firsts triplet: Ephesians 5:15-18.

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, ¹⁶ redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

¹⁷ Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. ¹⁸ And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit

Verse 15 is the first contrast: Walk not as fools but as wise. Verse 17 is the second contrast: Do not be unwise, but wise (understand the will of the Lord). Verse 18 is the third contrast: Do not be drunk with wine; be drunk, or filled, with the Spirit.

Now, there is a triplet of commands related to the third contrast, the filling of the Spirit. These commands begin in v. 21:

 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ submitting to one another in the fear of God.

These commands are in three verses, a triplicate of evidence of the Spirit-filled life. 1) Optimistic speaking and singing, 2) Giving thanks, and 3) Submitting to the leaders among brothers in the church

Finally, on the third command (the submission), we get three contexts for submission. Verse 22 is “wives, submit to your own husbands.” Chapter 6:1 says “children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” And 6:5 says “slaves, obey your earthly masters…”

Thus, 5:21 is not the umbrella for 5:22. It’s the umbrella for 5:22 all the way to 6:9. That introduces another set of errors. When you read, “children, obey your parents…” what do some people do? They dislike children because of the inconvenience. They dislike them so much they murder them in the womb. (He has more to say on children, and more on abortion, but I have at least two blogs on the latter subject, plus we don’t have the  space).

In reality, people hate male headship because they hate God’s headship. They are in rebellion against Christ; they like to blaspheme this glorious image of Christ and His Bride, the church of true followers. Wives are told to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord.” NOT because the husbands deserve it, or have earned it, or are worthy of it. This is about submission to the Lord, who has saved us from hell. None of any of us earn it, or are worthy of God’s love. Wives submit, as Christians submit to Christ, the head of His body.

What we are seeing now is the monstrous result of a culture that no longer protects women as the weaker vessel, physically—which all statistical facts prove. As proven in guys who want to go ’trans’ in sports.  Guys go from “middle of the pack” in male competition to national champion, by pretending they are female. To add to insult, they are proclaimed by some as “woman of the year.” Reminds me of Isaiah 5:20, calling the evil good, and the good evil. One ”woman” in an MMA fight, fractured the skull of a woman. This is what we do in the name of “equality for women,” we brutalize them—and their dreams—rather than protect them. Our culture says that our protective impulse invariably leads to evil and is detrimental to women. We are listening to the culture run by Satan, and we are now ashamed of our stance, despite His Word’s stance. Ephesians 5:25 says:

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Christ’s model on giving His all for us, is how husbands love their wives. Is this hatred toward women? Is this “domination,” which implies abuse? If it is, that means Christ is an abuser of His Bride, the church. But Christ’s feelings toward His bride—and His death for her, and the Gospel-- must all be wicked, evil patriarchy. Is the Gospel a story of love to the maximum, or is it evil? The world’s opinion is a blasphemy of Christ’s love for His church. That’s why we can’t give this ground. Yes, despite how the supporters twist it around, it is blasphemy. If you call yourself a Christian, and want to know what God is commanding for family structure, , don’t align yourself with the culture. Read a couple old books where the protégé is from 150 years ago to see how gentlemen treated the women—and how much it has changed. Not for the better. God doesn’t change. God’s rules apply for our good no matter the culture. It’s just that in these times, your opinion will make you stick out, and you will be persecuted. Oh, well. Jesus guaranteed that would happen. Don’t play the fence, or change your opinion depending on the person you happen to be talking to. Even better, know the Bible verses that you are sticking up for, and have faith in God enough to actually quote them. Then you will forever be “the Bible man (or woman).” That can be good, you know. Don’t be oversensitive. Keep smiling. You are the winner in the long run. They are on the losing side. Pray about what you can do to help get people saved.