I used to think “honor killing” had to do with killing a Muslim daughter that committed a dreadful sin, like fornication or pregnancy, outside of marriage. But an HBO Documentary Film, “A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness” changed my mind. Please read on for your own enlightenment.
More than 1000 women are murdered in Pakistan each year by male relatives who believe the victims have dishonored their families. Here is the story of a young Pakistani woman who was the target of one of these honor killings.
It happened three years ago in the province of Punjab, Pakistan. It’s not a backwoods or ignorant area, since five million people live there. The girl, Saba, is 19. She is very pretty—on the right side of her face. On the left, it’s a different story. A gunshot blew away her cheek from eye to jaw. The surgeon did a terrible job of sewing it back together, but at least she is alive. The eye and teeth were miraculously untouched. She also suffered a defensive wound on her right arm.
It all began when she fell in love with Qaiser, a young man. As typical in Muslim culture, they only met a few times, but talked on the phone. He was kind and didn’t get angry, and she was in love. Her father, at first, was planning their wedding. The problem was, her uncle objected. “They are not of our status. They are poorer than us.” He suggested that she should marry his brother-in-law. A much older man whom she knew little about.
Since her male relatives had the last word, she was desperate. Upon Qaiser’s parents’ suggestion, she decided to run away to Qaiser’s house, and his parents would see to it that they marry in court. Which they did. But her relatives paid a surprise visit the wedding day, before she got any “alone” time with him, and kidnapped her. Her parents told her “return home to uphold our family’s honor, then Qaiser can come and take you back honorably.” But she was fearful of what they might do to her. Then her parents put their hand on the Quran and promised her they wouldn’t harm her. That finally decreased her fear. But that night her uncle and father put her in the car, took her to the river, and started slapping and beating her. She begged them for mercy, but her father put a pistol right at her brain, clutched her neck to keep her still, but she was able to tilt her face at the time he shot her, which means the shot ripped through her cheek instead. Assuming she was dead, they put her in a bag and threw her in the river, and left. But she fought off shock and amazingly climbed out. And she was taken to a hospital.
Authorities have laws against this, so now her father and uncle were on the run. Qaiser rushed to the hospital. In an interview with Qaiser at the hospital, he said “my love for her is very strong. I’d die without her.” He seemed like a level-thinking guy, and in love.
Police were assigned to guard her at the hospital. She believed, because her parents took an oath on the Quran, Allah saved her. “It is a sin. They broke that oath and now the wrath of God will fall upon them. I will never forgive them, no matter what happens or who comes in the middle. Even if someone powerful asks me, I will not forgive them.” Then she spoke of the big picture. “The world should see this—brothers, sisters, parents…So this doesn’t happen again. They should be shot in public in an open market. With God’s will, I am going to fight this case.” The Sharia law in Pakistan, though supposedly modernized, has a "get out of jail free" card: the court will release a killer if the family of the victim forgives him. Cultural pressures usually saw to it that that was what happened. And the local families were already beginning to lean heavily upon her to forgive her father and uncle in court. If she did that, they won’t spend 20 years behind bars. This is for shooting her in the face, up-close and personal. So, forgiveness would let them off scot-free, of attempting to murder their own child because she wanted to live a quiet life in love with Qaiser her chosen husband. Was her not wanting to marry upscale a reasonable excuse for killing your own daughter? How perverse is that? But there was more to it. They accused her of rebelling against her parents. The loss of honor to the parents was enough to make her worthy to die. (but it seems like they would lose honor, for shooting their daughter--evidently not so.) Family honor was more important than her life. Also, the father and the uncle were the family breadwinners. Taking them away would definitely make the family scrounge for a decent living.
The investigative policeman, Ali Akbar, caught up with Saba’s father and uncle and jailed them awaiting trial. He was also interviewed, and said, “In my opinion, Islam teaches nothing about “honor killing.” It teaches that we should safeguard the rights of all human beings, be it a man or a woman. God has given her the right to choose freely. Yet on the simple matter of marrying the person she loved, she had to pay such a heavy price. What happened here was totally against religious values." Hey, a moral man in Pakistan. I think he really believes that, since he went through the hassle of chasing and finding a dangerous criminal, who would most likely be released. But the truth is, as I point out in another blog “Are the Christian God and Allah the Muslim God the Same?” the Quran is all about hatred and revenge, with only a few phrases about tolerance. It is also highly misogynistic, and clearly points out that women are not as valuable or trustworthy as men. It is easy to see how a perversity like honor killing could arise out of a culture rooted in the Quran as a foundation. I firmly believe that the real God cannot bless such a culture, and that is why Pakistan remains one of the poorest countries on the planet.
Saba got no support from her family for wanting justice. So she went to live with her husband’s family. In the interview with her sister Aqsa, who is about 16 I would guess, I was shocked to hear how assertive she was backing up her parents. There was no reticence at all, which is surprising considering how she watched while they deceived and tried to kill her very own sister: (Someday that could be her). “All our family did was to preserve their integrity and honor. Who can tolerate such betrayal from a daughter who runs away and marries without their consent? Our family was respected by the entire community. People who feared us now taunt us.” (The use of the word “feared” is a telltale statement). “We’ve stopped going anywhere …because of the shame she has brought upon us. People say my father neglected his kids.” (One could only wish he had done so). Her sister's thinking was totally corrupted, thinking that the daughter was the betrayer.
Mom chimed in: “I could have scolded, explained to her. This is what happens when honor is at stake. No woman should disrespect others. No woman should ruin her parents’ reputation. This girl here (pointing, lovingly I guess, to Aqsa), if she does this sort of thing, she will be beaten. If she stays home, I will get her married in a good way. I prayed to God, “My daughter has done this, make me die.”” So mom is unrepentant of her assistance to her murderous husband, and despite Aqsa’s loyalty to mom, her mom still threatened her too! Mother love on display.
The interview with Maqsood, Saba’s father, and Muhammad, her uncle, in jail was the strangest of all. Here are her uncle’s words, which clearly show resentment that Saba lived: “What my brother did was absolutely right. I guess she survived. It was her destiny.” Saba’s father was also totally unrepentant: “Whatever we did, we were obliged to do it. She took away our honor. I am an honorable man. So I said no, I will kill you myself. You are my daughter, I will kill you myself. Why did you leave home with an outsider? I haven’t seen the boy yet. If I had seen him, I would have killed him too. He has brought such destruction upon our home. Just look. I’m behind bars right now.” (His logic about why he is in jail is beyond me). The interviewer couldn’t resist. “You’re locked up because you tried to kill your daughter.” His answer: “Lady, Islam does not permit the girl to go out of the house.” (A total lie). “Was she dying of hunger? She got everything.” Interviewer: “Does Islam permit murder?” Reply: “No…”(actually, he was wrong.) “but where is it written that a girl can run away with a stranger?” Interviewer: “What did you say to your wife?” Reply: “I told her “I have gone and killed your daughter as per my desire.” My wife cried. What else could she do? She is just my wife.” About his family who he left potentially starving without a breadwinner: “Allah will provide for my family too.”
Saba, with her husband and family, is content, to use her word. I tend to believe her. Qaiser’s mother said, “She’s my daughter now.” As to the question of them being poorer: “We will live off what we have, and she can eat with us too.” Saba says she’s heard that her father is asking for forgiveness. Despite his brave words about honor earlier, he really doesn’t want to spend his life in jail--but he won’t condescend to speak with her. At this point, she insists she still will not forgive him. Her uncle did beg her forgiveness, but she told him to go away.
Saba has a forward-thinking lawyer, who does many of his cases pro bono. He feels that “honor killing” cases should be treated as any other murder/attempted murder case. But Sharia law puts a misogynistic twist. Most of the time the daughter is usually dead, so that makes it easy that the near relatives of the victim can get together and forgive the killer. Her lawyer asserts: “That is one more reason why honor killings are rising. This is not just Saba’s cause; it’s society’s cause.” He believes that the judicial system should be changed, not to allow such compromise. But it will take time to change people’s mind. “Seeking justice is a long, drawn-out process, and women are at a disadvantage.”
Saba begins to relate the growing pressure on her: “They say we must listen to the influential and dominant men of our neighborhood.” The male elders of the community play a major role in making the parties reach a compromise, and here is where the truth really comes out: she is helpless to even speak and make her feelings known, since she is trained from birth to obey the men and not speak up. The secular interviewer was an exception; the case drew nationwide coverage. The elders expressed their dominance in refusing to meet with her; and they parroted the same charge as her father: she ran away, and society will not respect people who allow that with their daughter. Her lawyer, in meeting with them, does a lame job of pleading the rights of the girl who is thrown away by her family. But they sat there with arms folded, not an ounce of compassion on their faces, and they insisted that the real issues are honor “and land.” (I don’t understand how “land” enters the picture--but economics is an important factor here). They did hint that, if honor is not maintained, that fights between families could grow worse. An interesting statement; it makes me think that if a family kills off another (dishonorable) family, they might even have community support in taking their land. Why not, if killing is treated so lightly here? They say, if Saba forgives, then everyone will live in peace. (The thing is, both families were there, and they were all calm, and I never saw any inter-family hatred, so I think either the real feelings are hidden, or the elders made that one up to add to their case. What’s weird also is, everyone in that meeting was just talking like it was the day’s weather, despite this gross injustice staring them in the face.)
The police officer had an intelligent word: If she forgives, “a message is sent that this crime is no big deal. The laws should be the same for everyone.” I would add, if you always end in forgiveness, and freedom for the criminal, why should a police officer bother chasing the criminal? As a result, his job status, which should be important for the community to maintain, would eventually deteriorate. You would not have good men wanting to be police officers with this kind of action going on.
Qaiser is against a settlement—but here’s another ugly truth about their system: his older brother handles everything. And of course, elder brother wants to acquit the attempted killers. Forgiveness, he says, are the “laws of the community,” whatever that is. He was worried “if this escalates.” This hints at what the elders said about inter-family fights..
As you might have guessed by now, Saba, through the men in her family, caved in and forgave. (Actually, they didn’t ask her opinion). And HBO got an award for this stunning documentary. In fact, at the awards ceremony, the prime minister of Pakistan showed up and announced that the perpetrators of honor killings must not be allowed to be forgiven by family members. He would do what he could to change that Sharia law.
But wait a minute, who really has the power to change Sharia? Only the religious leaders and the community. Mufti Kifayatullah, a leader of the Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam, a religious party, accepted that some Islamic laws were being misused to protect killers. But he said any reform attempts would be resisted. "Removing Islamic laws shall never be tolerated, as this country came in to being in the name of Islam,” he said. “The religious parties will not allow the government to solve the problem in this way.”
So the honor killings go on, and even grow. Some killings have gotten pretty brazen, such as the 2014 killing of a woman by her family right outside Lahore’s high court, no less.
Now you the reader, consider how all the main players in this drama believed in and invoked the support of Allah, their God. Yet look how their compassion was absent and their mind corrupted. There were only two people who wanted peace and love. Yet they were almost killed for that. Please read my paper on the truth behind the Quran. Now tell me, dear reader, how “all religions lead to the same God.” Contrast the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:43ff with the vengeful relatives:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Is this the same God as Muslims call on for defense of these horrific actions? Or should we take a word of advice from Matthew 7:16: You will know them by their fruits.
Acknowledgement: HBO Documentary Films, "A Girl in the River"