I used to think “honor killing” had to do with
killing a Muslim daughter that committed a dreadful sin, like fornication or
pregnancy, outside of marriage. But an
HBO Documentary Film, “A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness” changed
my mind. Please read on for your own enlightenment.
More than 1000 women are murdered in Pakistan
each year by male relatives who believe the victims have dishonored their
families. Here is the story of a young
Pakistani woman who was the target of one of these honor killings.
It happened three years ago in the province of
Punjab, Pakistan. It’s not a backwoods or ignorant area, since five million
people live there. The girl, Saba, is 19. She is very pretty—on the right side of her face. On the left, it’s a different
story. A gunshot blew away her cheek
from eye to jaw. The surgeon did a
terrible job of sewing it back together, but at least she is alive. The eye and
teeth were miraculously untouched. She
also suffered a defensive wound on her right arm.
It all began when she fell in love with
Qaiser, a young man. As typical in
Muslim culture, they only met a few times, but talked on the phone. He was kind and didn’t get angry, and she was
in love. Her father, at first, was
planning their wedding. The problem was, her uncle objected. “They are not of our status. They are poorer
than us.” He suggested that she should
marry his brother-in-law. A much older
man whom she knew little about.
Since her male relatives had the last word,
she was desperate. Upon Qaiser’s parents’
suggestion, she decided to run away to Qaiser’s house, and his parents would see to it that they marry in court. Which they did.
But her relatives paid a surprise visit
the wedding day, before she got any “alone” time with him, and kidnapped her. Her parents told her “return home to uphold
our family’s honor, then Qaiser can come and take you back honorably.” But she was fearful of what they might do to her. Then her
parents put their hand on the Quran and promised her they wouldn’t harm her. That finally decreased her fear. But that night her uncle and father put her
in the car, took her to the river, and started slapping and beating her. She begged them for mercy, but her father put
a pistol right at her brain, clutched her neck to keep her still, but she was
able to tilt her face at the time he shot her, which means the shot ripped through
her cheek instead. Assuming she was dead,
they put her in a bag and threw her in the river, and left. But she fought off shock and amazingly climbed
out. And she was taken to a hospital.
Authorities have laws against this, so now her father and uncle were on the run. Qaiser rushed to the hospital. In an interview with Qaiser at the hospital,
he said “my love for her is very strong.
I’d die without her.” He seemed
like a level-thinking good man.
Police were assigned to guard her at the
hospital. She believed, because her
parents took an oath on the Quran, Allah saved her. “It is a sin.
They broke that oath and now the wrath of God will fall upon them. I will never forgive them, no matter what
happens or who comes in the middle. Even if someone powerful asks me, I will
not forgive them.” Then she spoke of the
big picture. “The world should see
this—brothers, sisters, parents…So this doesn’t happen again. They should be shot in public in an open
market. With God’s will, I am going to fight this case.” The
Sharia law in Pakistan, though seemingly modernized, has a "get out of jail free" card: the court will release a killer if the family
of the victim forgives him. Cultural
pressures usually saw to it that that was what happened. And the local families were already beginning
to lean heavily upon her to forgive her father and uncle in court. If she did that, they won’t spend 20 years
behind bars. This is for shooting her in the face, up-close and personal. So, forgiveness
would let them off scot-free, of attempting to murder their own child because
she wanted to live a quiet life in love with Qaiser her chosen husband. Was her not wanting to marry upscale a
reasonable excuse for killing your own daughter? How perverse is that? But there was more to it. They accused her of rebelling against her parents. The loss of honor by the parents was enough
to make her worthy to die. Family honor
was more important than her life. Also,
the father and the uncle were the family breadwinners. Taking them away would definitely make the family
scrounge for a decent living.
The investigative policeman, Ali Akbar, caught
up with Saba’s father and uncle and jailed them awaiting trial. He was also interviewed, and said, “In my
opinion, Islam teaches nothing about “honor killing.” It teaches that we should safeguard the
rights of all human beings, be it a man or a woman. God has given her the right to choose freely. Yet on the simple matter of marrying the
person she loved, she had to pay such a heavy price. What happened here was totally against
religious values." Hey,a moral man in Pakistan. I think he really
believes that, since he went through the hassle of chasing and finding a
dangerous criminal, who would most likely be released. But the truth is, as I point out in another
blog “Are the Christian God and Allah the Muslim God the Same?” the Quran is all about hatred and revenge, with
only a few phrases about tolerance. It
is also highly misogynistic, and clearly points out that women are not as
valuable or trustworthy as men. It is
easy to see how a perversity like honor killing could arise out of a culture
rooted in the Quran as a foundation. I
firmly believe that the real God cannot bless such a culture, and that is why
Pakistan remains one of the poorest countries on the planet.
Saba got no support
from her family for wanting justice. So she went to live with her husband’s family. In the interview with her sister Aqsa, who is
about 16 I would guess, I was shocked to hear how assertive she was backing up
her parents. There was no reticence at
all, which is surprising considering how she watched while they deceived and
tried to kill her very own sister: (Someday
that could be her). “All our family did was to preserve their integrity and
honor. Who can tolerate such betrayal
from a daughter who runs away and marries without their consent? Our family was respected by the entire
community. People who feared us now
taunt us.” (The use of the word “fear”
is a telltale statement). “We’ve stopped
going anywhere …because of the shame she has brought upon us. People say my father neglected his
kids.” (One could only wish he had done
so). Her thinking was totally corrupted,
thinking that the daughter was the betrayer.
Mom chimed in: “I could have scolded,
explained to her. This is what happens when honor is at stake. No woman should
disrespect others. No woman should ruin
her parents’ reputation. This girl here
(pointing, lovingly I guess, to Aqsa), if she does this sort of thing, she will
be beaten. If she stays home, I will get
her married in a good way. I prayed to
God, “My daughter has done this, make me die.”” So mom is unrepentant of her
assistance to her murderous husband, and despite Aqsa’s loyalty to mom, her mom still
threatened her too! Mother love on display.
The interview with Maqsood, Saba’s father, and
Muhammad, her uncle, in jail was the strangest of all. Here are her uncle’s words, which clearly
show resentment that Saba lived: “What
my brother did was absolutely right. I
guess she survived. It was her
destiny.” Saba’s father was also totally
unrepentant: “Whatever we did, we were
obliged to do it. She took away our
honor. I am an honorable man. So I said no, I will kill you myself. You are my daughter, I will kill you
myself. Why did you leave home with an
outsider? I haven’t seen the boy
yet. If I had seen him, I would have
killed him too. He has brought such
destruction upon our home. Just
look. I’m behind bars right now.” (His logic about why he is in jail is beyond
me). The interviewer couldn’t
resist. “You’re locked up because you
tried to kill your daughter.” His answer: “Lady, Islam does not permit the girl to go
out of the house.” (A total lie). “Was she dying of hunger? She got everything.” Interviewer:
“Does Islam permit murder?”
Reply: “No…”(actually, he was
wrong.) “but where is it written that a girl can run away with a
stranger?” Interviewer: “What did you
say to your wife?” Reply: “I told her “I have gone and killed your
daughter as per my desire.” My wife
cried. What else could she do? She is
just my wife.” About his family who he
left potentially starving without a breadwinner: “The Lord will provide for my family
too.”
Saba, with her husband and family, is content,
to use her word. I tend to believe
her. Qaiser’s mother said, “She’s my
daughter now.” As to the question of
them being poorer: “We will live off
what we have, and she can eat with us too.”
Saba says she’s heard that her father is asking for forgiveness. Despite his brave words about honor earlier,
he really doesn’t want to spend his life in jail--but he won’t condescend to
speak with her. At this point, she
insists she still will not forgive him.
Her uncle did beg her forgiveness, but she told him to go away.
Saba has a forward-thinking lawyer, who does
many of his cases pro bono. He feels
that “honor killing” cases should be treated as any other murder/attempted
murder case. But Sharia law puts a
misogynistic twist. Most of the time the
daughter is usually dead, so that makes it easy that the near relatives of the victim can get together
and forgive the killer. Her lawyer
asserts: “That is one more reason why
honor killings are rising. This is not
just Saba’s cause; it’s society’s cause.”
He believes that the judicial system should be changed, not to allow
such compromise. But it will take time
to change people’s mind. “Seeking justice is a long, drawn-out process,
and women are at a disadvantage.”
Saba begins to relate the growing pressure on
her: “They say we must listen to the
influential and dominant men of our neighborhood.” The male elders of the community play a major
role in making the parties reach a compromise, and here is where the truth
really comes out, about her inability to even make her feelings known, since
she is trained from birth to obey the men and not speak up. The elders expressed their dominance in
refusing to meet with her; and they parroted the same charge as her father: she
ran away, and society will not respect people who allow that with their
daughter. Her lawyer, in meeting with
them, does a lame job of pleading the rights of the girl who is thrown away by
her family. But they sat there with arms
folded, not an ounce of compassion on their faces, and they insisted that the
real issues are honor “and land.” (I
don’t understand how “land” enters the picture). They did hint that, if honor is not
maintained, that fights between families could grow worse. An interesting statement; it makes me think
that if a family kills off another (dishonorable) family, they might even have
community support in taking their land. Why not, if killing is treated so
lightly here? They
say, if Saba forgives, then everyone will live in peace. (The thing is, both families were there, and they were all calm, and I never saw any inter-family hatred, so I think either the real feelings are hidden, or the
elders made that one up to add to their case.
What’s weird also is, everyone in that meeting was just talking like it
was the day’s weather, despite this gross injustice staring them in the face.)
The police officer had an intelligent word: If
she forgives, “a message is sent that this crime is no big deal. The laws
should be the same for everyone.” I
would add, if you always end in forgiveness, and freedom for the criminal, why
should a police officer bother chasing the criminal? As a result, his job status, which should be
important for the community to maintain, would eventually deteriorate. You
would not have good men wanting to be police officers with this kind of action
going on.
Qaiser is against a settlement—but here’s
another ugly truth about their system:
his older brother handles everything.
And of course, elder brother wants to acquit the attempted killers. Forgiveness, he says, are the “laws of the
community,” whatever that is. He was
worried “if this escalates.” This hints
at what the elders said about inter-family fights..
As you might have guessed by now, Saba,
through the men in her family, forgave.
(Actually, they didn’t ask her opinion).
And HBO got an award for this stunning documentary. In fact, at the awards ceremony, the prime
minister of Pakistan showed up and announced that the
perpetrators of honor killings must not be allowed to be forgiven by family
members. He would do what he could to
change that Sharia law.
But wait a minute, who really has the power to change Sharia? The religious leaders and the community. Mufti Kifayatullah, a leader of the Jamiat
Ulema-e-Islam, a religious party, accepted that some Islamic laws were being
misused to protect killers. But he said any reform attempts would be resisted. "Removing Islamic laws shall never be tolerated, as this country
came in to being in the name of Islam,” he said. “The religious parties will
not allow the government to solve the problem in this way.”
So the honor killings go on, and even grow. Some killings have
gotten pretty brazen, such as the 2014 killing of a woman by her family right outside Lahore’s high
court, no less.
Now you the reader, consider how all the main
players in this drama believed in and invoked the support of Allah, their God.
Yet look how their compassion was absent and their mind corrupted. There were
only two people who wanted peace and love.
Yet they were almost killed for that.
Please read my paper on the truth behind the Quran. Now tell me, dear
reader, how “all religions lead to the same God.” Contrast the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:43ff with the vengeful relatives:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who
curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use
you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil
and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Is this the same God as Muslims call on for defense of these horrific
actions? Or should we take a word of
advice from Matthew 7:16: You will
know them by their fruits.
Acknowledgement: HBO Documentary Films, "A Girl in the River"
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