I used to think “honor killing” had to do with killing a Muslim daughter that committed a dreadful sin, like fornication or pregnancy, outside of marriage. But an HBO Documentary Film, “A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness” changed my mind. Please read the HBO analysis for your own enlightenment.
More than 1000 women
are murdered in Pakistan each year by male relatives who believe the victims
have dishonored their families. Here is the story of a young Pakistani
woman who was the target of one of these honor killings.
It happened three
years ago in the province of Punjab, Pakistan. It’s not a backwoods or ignorant
area, since five million people live there. The girl, Saba, is 19. She is very
pretty—on the right side of her face. On the left, it’s a different story.
A gunshot blew away her cheek from eye to jaw. The surgeon did a terrible
job of sewing it back together, but at least she is alive. The eye and teeth
were miraculously untouched. She also suffered a defensive wound on her
right arm.
It all began when she
fell in love with Qaiser, a young man. As typical in Muslim culture, they
only met a few times, but talked on the phone. He was kind and didn’t get
angry, and she was in love. Her father, at first, was planning their
wedding. The problem was, her uncle objected. “They are not of our
status. They are poorer than us.” He suggested that she should marry his
brother-in-law. A much older man whom she knew little about.
Since her male
relatives had the last word, she was desperate. Upon Qaiser’s parents’
suggestion, she decided to run away to Qaiser’s house, and his parents would
see to it that they marry in court. Which they did. But her
relatives paid a surprise visit the wedding day, before she got any “alone”
time with him, and kidnapped her. Her parents told her to “return home to
uphold our family’s honor, then Qaiser can come and take you back honorably.”
But she was fearful of what they might do to her. Then her parents put
their hand on the Quran and promised her they wouldn’t harm her. That
finally alleviated her fear. But that night her uncle and father put her
in the car, took her to the river, and started slapping and beating her.
She begged them for mercy, but her father put a pistol right at her brain,
clutched her neck to keep her still, but she was able to tilt her face at the
time he shot her, which means the shot ripped through her cheek instead.
Assuming she was dead, they put her in a bag and threw her in the river, and
left. But she fought off shock and amazingly climbed out. And she was
taken to a hospital.
Authorities have laws
against this, so now her father and uncle were on the run. Qaiser rushed to the
hospital. In an interview with Qaiser at the hospital, he said “my love
for her is very strong. I’d die without her.” He seemed like a
level-thinking guy, and in love.
Police were assigned
to guard her at the hospital. She believed, because her parents took an
oath on the Quran, Allah saved her. “It is a sin. They broke that
oath and now the wrath of God will fall upon them. I will never forgive them,
no matter what happens or who comes in the middle. Even if someone powerful
asks me, I will not forgive them.” Then she spoke of the big
picture. “The world should see this—brothers, sisters, parents…So this
doesn’t happen again. They should be shot in public in an open market.
With God’s will, I am going to fight this case.” The Sharia law in
Pakistan, though supposedly modernized, has a "get out of jail free"
card: the court will release a killer if the family of the victim
forgives him. Cultural pressures usually saw to it that that was what
happened. And the local families were already beginning to lean heavily
upon her to forgive her father and uncle in court. If she did that, they
won’t spend 20 years behind bars. This is for shooting her in the face,
up-close and personal. So, forgiveness would let them off scot-free, of
attempting to murder their own child because she wanted to live a quiet life in
love with Qaiser her chosen husband. Was her not wanting to marry upscale
a reasonable excuse for killing your own daughter? How perverse is
that? But there was more to it. They accused her of rebelling
against her parents. The loss of honor to the parents was enough to make
her worthy to die. (but it seems like they would lose honor, for shooting their
daughter--evidently not so.) Family honor was more important than her
life. Also, the father and the uncle were the family breadwinners.
Taking them away would definitely make the family scrounge for a decent
living.
The investigative
policeman, Ali Akbar, caught up with Saba’s father and uncle and jailed them
awaiting trial. He was also interviewed, and said, “In my opinion, Islam
teaches nothing about “honor killing.” It teaches that we should
safeguard the rights of all human beings, be it a man or a woman. God has
given her the right to choose freely. Yet on the simple matter of
marrying the person she loved, she had to pay such a heavy price. What
happened here was totally against religious values." Hey, here is a
man with compassion. I think he really believes that, since he went
through the hassle of chasing and finding a dangerous criminal, who would most
likely be released. But the truth is, as I point out in another
blog “Are the Christian God and Allah the Muslim God the Same?” the Quran
is really full of hatred and revenge, with only a few phrases about
tolerance. It is also highly misogynistic, and clearly points out that
women are not as valuable or trustworthy as men. It is easy to see how a
perversity like honor killing could arise out of a culture rooted in the Quran
as a foundation. I firmly believe that the real God cannot bless such a
culture, and that is why Pakistan remains one of the poorest countries on the
planet.
Saba got no support
from her family for wanting justice. So she went to live with her husband’s
family. In the interview with her sister Aqsa, who is about 16 I would
guess, I was shocked to hear how assertive she was, backing up her
parents. There was no reticence at all, which is surprising considering
how she watched while they deceived and tried to kill her very own sister: (Think
about it: Someday that could be her). “All our family did was to preserve their
integrity and honor. Who can tolerate such betrayal from a daughter who
runs away and marries without their consent? Our family was respected by
the entire community. People who feared us now taunt us.” (The use
of the word “feared” is a telltale statement). “We’ve stopped going
anywhere …because of the shame she has brought upon us. People say my
father neglected his kids.” (One could only wish he had done so).
Her sister's thinking was totally corrupted, thinking that the daughter was the
betrayer.
Mom chimed in: “I
could have scolded, explained to her. This is what happens when honor is at
stake. No woman should disrespect others. No woman should ruin her
parents’ reputation. This girl here (pointing lovingly to Aqsa), if she
does this sort of thing, she will be beaten. If she stays home, I will
get her married in a good way. I prayed to God, “My daughter has done
this, make me die.”” So mom is unrepentant of her assistance to her murderous
husband, and despite Aqsa’s loyalty to mom, her mom still threatened her
too! Mother love on display.
The interview with
Maqsood, Saba’s father, and Muhammad, her uncle, in jail, was the strangest of
all. Here are her uncle’s words, which clearly show resentment that Saba
lived: “What my brother did was absolutely right. I guess she
survived. It was her destiny.” Saba’s father was also totally
unrepentant: “Whatever we did, we were obliged to do it. She took
away our honor. I am an honorable man. So I said no, I will kill
you myself. You are my daughter, I will kill you myself. Why did
you leave home with an outsider? I haven’t seen the boy yet. If I
had seen him, I would have killed him too. He has brought such
destruction upon our home. Just look. I’m behind bars right
now.” (His logic about why he is in jail is beyond me). The
interviewer couldn’t resist. “You’re locked up because you tried to kill
your daughter.” His answer: “Lady, Islam does not permit the girl to
go out of the house.” (A total lie). “Was she dying of hunger?
She got everything.” Interviewer: “Does Islam permit murder?”
Reply: “No…”(actually, he was wrong; read the Quran.) “but where is it
written that a girl can run away with a stranger?” Interviewer: “What did
you say to your wife?” Reply: “I told her “I have gone and killed
your daughter as per my desire.” My wife cried. What else could she
do? She is just my wife.” About his family who he left
potentially starving without a breadwinner if he does jail time: “Allah
will provide for my family too.”
Saba, with her
husband and family, is content, to use her word. I tend to believe
her. Qaiser’s mother said, “She’s my daughter now.” As to the
question of them being poorer: “We will live off what we have, and she can
eat with us too.” Saba says she’s heard that her father is asking for
forgiveness. Despite his brave words about honor earlier, he really
doesn’t want to spend his life in jail--but he won’t condescend to speak with
her. At this point, she insists she still will not forgive him. Her
uncle did beg her forgiveness, but she told him to go away.
Saba has a
forward-thinking lawyer, who does many of his cases pro bono. He feels
that “honor killing” cases should be treated as any other murder/attempted
murder case. But Sharia law puts a misogynistic twist. Most of the
time the daughter is usually dead, so that makes it easy that the near
relatives of the victim can get together and forgive the killer. Her
lawyer asserts: “That is one more reason why honor killings are rising.
This is not just Saba’s cause; it’s society’s cause.” He believes that
the judicial system should be changed, not to allow such compromise. But
it will take time to change people’s mind. “Seeking justice is a
long, drawn-out process, and women are at a disadvantage.”
Saba begins to relate
the growing pressure on her: “They say we must listen to the influential
and dominant men of our neighborhood.” The male elders of the community
play a major role in making the parties reach a compromise, and here is where
the truth really comes out: she is helpless to even speak and make her
feelings known, since she is trained from birth to obey the men and not speak
up. The secular interviewer was an exception; the case drew nationwide
coverage. The elders expressed their dominance in refusing to meet with
her; and they parroted the same charge as her father: she ran away, and society
will not respect people who allow that with their daughter. Her lawyer,
in meeting with them, does a lame job of pleading the rights of the girl who is
thrown away by her family. But they sat there with arms folded, not an
ounce of compassion on their faces, and they insisted that the real issues are
honor “and land.” (I don’t understand how land enters the picture here).
They did hint that, if honor is not maintained, that fights between families
could grow worse. An interesting statement; it makes me think that if a
family kills off another (dishonorable) family, they might even have community
support in taking their land. Why not, if killing is treated so lightly
here? They say, if Saba forgives, then everyone will live in peace.
(The thing is, both families were there, and they were all calm, and I never
saw any inter-family hatred). What’s weird also is, everyone in that meeting
was just talking like it was the day’s weather, despite this gross injustice
staring them in the face.
The police officer
had an intelligent word: If she forgives, “a message is sent that this crime is
no big deal. The laws should be the same for everyone.” I would add, if
you always end in forgiveness, and freedom for the criminal, why should a police
officer bother chasing the criminal? As a result, his job status, which
should be important for the community to maintain, would eventually
deteriorate. You would not have good men wanting to be police officers with
this kind of action going on.
Qaiser is against a
settlement—but here’s another ugly truth about their system: his older
brother handles everything. And his elder brother wants to acquit the
attempted killers. Forgiveness, he says, are the “laws of the
community,” whatever that is. He was worried “if this escalates.”
This hints at what the elders said about inter-family fights.
As you might have
guessed by now, Saba, through the men in her family, caved in and
forgave. (Actually, they didn’t ask her opinion). And HBO got an
award for this stunning documentary. In fact, at the awards ceremony, the
prime minister of Pakistan showed up and announced that the perpetrators of honor killings must not be allowed to be forgiven
by family members. He would do what he could to change that Sharia
law.
But
wait a minute, who really has the power to change Sharia? Only the
religious leaders and the community. Mufti Kifayatullah, a leader of the
Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam, a religious party, accepted that some Islamic laws were
being misused to protect killers. But he said any reform attempts would be
resisted. "Removing Islamic laws shall never be tolerated, as this
country came in to being in the name of Islam,” he said. “The religious parties
will not allow the government to solve the problem in this way.”
So the
honor killings go on, and even grow. Some killings have gotten
pretty brazen, such as the 2014 killing of a
woman by her family right outside Lahore’s high court, no less.
Now you
the reader, consider how all the main players in this drama believed in and
invoked the support of Allah, their God. Yet look how their compassion was
absent and their mind corrupted. There were only two people who wanted peace
and love. Yet they were almost killed for that. Please read my
other blog on the truth behind the Quran. Now tell me, dear reader, how “all
religions lead to the same God.” Contrast the words of Jesus in Matthew
5:43ff with the vengeful relatives:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You
shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to
you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those
who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that
you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise
on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Is this
the same God as Muslims call on for defense of these horrific actions? Or
should we take a word of advice from Matthew 7:16: You will know them by their fruits.
Acknowledgement: HBO Documentary Films, "A
Girl in the River" (with added comment)